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Who: Alec Lightwood and Sebastian Carter Hokori-Anderson - [closed]
What: Discussing what happens after their shared nightmare
When: After the nightmare event, before Thanksgiving
Where: The Atrium
Warnings: None at this time
Notes: N/A

Alec had been coping with the nightmare and what the demon had said to him during that strange experience. Magnus had helped but there were certain things that he couldn't say to his boyfriend. He didn't want to say too much about what the Prince of Hell had said to him even if Magnus had been pleased that he'd put an arrow into the demon. Alec couldn't discuss Robert or the accusations of betrayal.

He hadn't said anything about what he'd seen of Sebastian's life, keeping those secrets to himself. That wasn't something to share no matter how close he was to Magnus.

Most of what happened he kept to himself, letting it eat away at him until he'd started talking to Sebastian. Now he knew that he shouldn't have stayed away from his friend. They'd both needed to see that the other was safe and to talk about some of what happened.

Knowing that, it still surprised him how much lighter he felt when Sebastian leaned close to him, smiling despite the tears he'd shed earlier. Wrapping an arm around Sebastian's shoulders, he started to relax for the first time since the nightmare. "I'm glad too. I'm sorry I didn't check on you sooner."

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"I wanted to check on you, too. I even knocked on your door." It seemed like such a small thing, to be sitting close to someone he liked, but it felt so nice. Especially after everything that had happened. "I thought maybe it was better if I didn't bother you and Magnus."

He'd been trying not to worry and trying not to think the worst. But he also understood. Alec needed time and space to process things and he'd tried to give him that. It was the least he could do after kissing him.

"Alec." He he took a quick deep breath and asked quietly, "You...were happy I kissed you? In the dream?"

"You knocked?" He hadn't heard anyone but he'd been spending most of his time patrolling or training. It'd been easier to think while doing something familiar that had been part of his life since he was a child. "I wish I'd known you were checking on me. You wouldn't have been bothering us."

At least not after that first night and even then Alec would have ignored his own problems to help Sebastian. His own worries weren't as important as making sure his friend didn't think the worst because of that nightmare.

"In the dream I was happy but afterward, I panicked a little. Not because of you." He had to add that even as he sorted out his own thoughts. "Because of what the demon said about my father. I know that Robert didn't love my mother or the woman he cheated with but it still made me wonder. I don't regret it." Pausing he bowed his head for a moment, some of the confidence he'd earned after Edom fading. "But I don't want to hurt you or Magnus so I doubted myself."

"Alec." Sebastian gently pulled away from Alec and stood up. He looked down at Alec sitting there and then started to pace a bit because what he had to say was important and he had to choose his words and not make things worse for Alec. He wanted him to understand his side of this and make some things clear so Alec wouldn't look as if he wasn't sure what the right thing was for any of them.

He stopped and looked at Alec again.

"First. You can't make this decision for anyone other than yourself. Second. It would hurt me more if you said all these things to me and then walked away. I would understand because it would be stupid and selfish of me to expect you to or anyone to think of me... Magnus is...he's pretty amazing and I'm just..." He inhaled and straightened, refusing to continue that line of thought. "I would understand."

And then he started pacing and talking.

"When I met Jack he followed me around for weeks, not giving up even though I was rude and and did everything I could to make him go away. But I was scared." He stopped suddenly, taking quick deep breaths because this was hard. "There are only three people other than my parents who have really noticed I exist. And I know that's partly my fault. I gave up a long time ago. I didn't want to trust anyone or get hurt anymore. But only three people...have wanted me...and one was the worst bully I have ever met...but you and Jack....I can't walk away from you either, Alec. I won't. Not unless you tell me to. So...look at me, really look at me. Because I don't regret kissing you. And I don't want to be that person who wasted so much time running away from someone wonderful only to lose them completely. That is what I regret. More than anything. Look at me and tell me you don't want me to kiss you again."

When Sebastian stood, Alec was certain that he'd said the wrong thing. What he'd said wasn't flattering or romantic but he couldn't lie and say that he hadn't doubted or worried. He cared too much for Sebastian to not tell him the truth and Magnus... He loved Magnus and had been terrified that he had hurt him by kissing someone else.

That was what worried him most about the demon's accusation. Robert had nearly destroyed his family. He'd turned Izzy angry and suspicious about love. He'd hurt Maryse even though Alec's mother had tried hard not to show that pain to her children. And Alec... he'd been forced to be the responsible adult when he had still been a kid himself. All because of Robert's selfishness.

He couldn't do that to Magnus or to Sebastian. But Robert hadn't considered the consequences of his actions while Alec had worried over them too much.

As Sebastian began pacing, Alec remained silent, letting his friend say what was needed. Guilt edged his thoughts as he wondered if Sebastian really thought he would string him along. Had he been doing that? Maybe unintentionally but Alec had been trying to accept something that had been complicated and nearly heartbreaking. He wanted to follow his heart but he didn't want to hurt those he cared about.

But if he kept hesitating he would break someone's heart.

He wanting to reassure Sebastian, comfort him, since this had to be difficult for him. Lifting his head up, he watched his friend, eyes briefly flashing with anger at the mention of the bully from the dream. "I never said that I regretted it. I said that I was scared." It had been terrifying, waking up from a nightmare starring Magnus' father, curled around his boyfriend and slowly realizing he'd kissed someone else in that dream. It'd been confusing and complicated and terrifying since he hadn't known how Magnus would react.

Standing, he moving toward Sebastian. There were so many things that he could say. No, he wasn't running away. He didn't think that Sebastian was 'just' anything. That he wasn't going to regret this. He began to speak then decided against it. This wasn't something words could fix. Instead Alec stepped close enough so that he could gently cup Sebastian's face between his hands the way he had in the dream. Leaning in, he pressed his lips softly to Sebastian's in a chaste kiss. Usually he was more forward, but this time he meant to reassure Sebastian that he wasn't leaving and that there was more to this than attraction. That he wanted Sebastian in his life.

Sebastian started to open his mouth to explain himself better, to be sure Alec understood. But then Alec was standing. And then he was touching him. And then kissing him. It was the sweetest gesture, the sweetest kiss, and it felt right despite both of their fears.

It was so sweet he closed his eyes and that peaceful relief he felt before when Alec had sat down next to him and put his arm around him, his very presence, made everything okay again. He had his answer, his reassurance. He returned the kiss with the same tenderness and then wrapped his arms around Alec, hugging him so tight.

"Is it too soon to ask for something?"

The worries that had been eating at him since the nightmare disappeared. None of those accusations or taunts mattered now that Sebastian was near and Alec was kissing him. This wasn't wrong. This wasn't selfish. Choosing to do what was thought of as 'right' would be cruel to them all.

He wasn't selfish to love someone else.

It wouldn't feel like this was where he was supposed to be if this was wrong. He would feel some hint of guilt or doubt but he felt as sure of this as he had when he'd kissed Magnus in front of the Clave. Instead it was warm and sweet as it slowly overwhelmed the doubts that had been wearing him down.

Burying his face against Sebastian's neck, Alec slipped his arms around his waist. For a moment he tensed, unsure of what his friend would ask before telling himself he was being foolish. Sebastian wouldn't ask for something Alec wouldn't be willing to give. "It's not too soon. What would you like?"

Sebastian hesitated despite the warmth and happy feeling that was filling him up right then. "Would you...would you come with me back to my room? I'm not planning anything, I promise. I just...I wanted a place where we could relax and talk for a while. If you have time and it's okay to say no because it does sound like a pick-up line from a bad movie or something."

Rambling nervously was a very bad habit he thought holding onto Alec as if he thought he might disappear suddenly.

"I want to be myself with you more than anyone."

Alec let out a quiet sigh as he thought about that request. He wanted to say yes and he knew that even if it sounded like a bad pick up line, Sebastian wasn't trying to seduce him. But he couldn't agree without checking with someone first. "I trust you. I'm not... Kissing is one thing. Anything else... " He might have moved fast with Magnus but he wasn't ready to do that with Sebastian until he was certain that there would be no guilt afterward. "I have time and I want to but I need to ask Magnus first. I don't want him thinking the wrong thing."

He doubted that his boyfriend would. They'd talked about this enough that Magnus would trust him but after all their issues with trust, Alec couldn't act without Magnus knowing.

"I want you to be yourself. But you were wrong. You shouldn't compare yourself to Magnus. You're pretty and amazing in your own way." Pausing, he chuckled softly. "No one can be amazing the way he can."

Sebastian understood very well the importance of trust. It wasn't something he gave easily to anyone. Even his father hadn't earned his trust back despite his apology and explanation.

"Okay." And then he slowly released Alec and huffed a soft laugh. "I can't imagine anyone who could. Not even characters from books I've read."

That was something he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to fully believe. It was more difficult to see what Alec saw or what Jack had seen in him when he'd thought there was something wrong with him for so long. Jack made him feel right. It had taken him a while to get through the walls Sebastian had built up around himself. But he'd torn them down little by little. And then there was Alec. He never imagined there could be another person who could make him feel this way. Not twice in his life.

"Do you want some privacy to talk to him?"

Alec half expected Sebastian to be annoyed that he wanted to ask Magnus. It wasn't exactly the most romantic thing to suggest. But he couldn't go to Sebastian's room without asking Magnus how he felt about that. It was one thing to kiss Sebastian during a nightmare. Going to his room was completely different even if Alec didn't intend to let things become more serious than talking and maybe a kiss.

"I felt that way about him too. When I met him, I was a seventeen year old who was terrified of coming out of the closet. I wore ratty sweaters and my siblings are beautiful. I wasn't the type that someone like Magnus should notice." Maybe if Sebastian knew that he'd realize that he was being too hard on himself.

"Remember that Magnus has had hundreds of years to learn how to accept himself and to be amazing." There were still things that bothered Magnus. Old emotional wounds that still hadn't healed but Magnus' confidence in most things rarely wavered. "We've got a lot to catch up on to match him."

He almost says yes but then he reconsidered and shook his head. "No, I don't want either one of you to feel left out."

Turning on the bookmark, he set it to private and spoke to Magnus, explaining that he needed to talk to Sebastian about the dream and if he minded if they went somewhere private for the conversation. After a few minutes, he shut off the bookmark and smiled at Sebastian. "I don't think I know where your room is."

Sebastian really had good intentions asking Alec back to his room. Yes he liked kissing him and touching him and being with him. And, yes, he had been thinking of other things. But more than anything he simply wanted to be close to Alec. To talk to him. To be in a place where they could relax and enjoy their time together.

He took Alec's hand, lacing their fingers together and staring at them for a moment before smiling at Alec. "I'll show you."

And then he led Alec from the atrium where he was hoping to have a dinner for everyone back to his room. There wasn't much in his room. The things he'd arrived with and the things he'd purchased when shopping with Alec. Everything was neat and clean, his bed made.

"It's not much."

It was the first time he really missed home. Simply because he wanted Alec to see where he'd lived. To share things with Alec he couldn't share with him here. His cello and books and pictures and parts of his life he was proud of. Like being on the swim team and doing well in competitions.

His thoughts were still conflicted but at least he hadn't gone behind Magnus' back. He hadn't done anything hurtful and nothing beyond kissing and some touching would happen. It still felt strange. Alec hadn't ever expected anyone to find a place in his life. Then he met Magnus and now he had Sebastian. It was strange and wonderful but he felt like he had to be careful so he didn't hurt anyone he cared about.

When Sebastian took his hand and started staring, Alec couldn't help wiggling his fingers. He didn't pull away just moved them to see how his friend would react.

As they walked to Sebastian's room, Alec noted his surroundings, memorizing where it was and making sure that none of the strange creatures that lived in the Library were nearby. Sebastian's room reminded him of how his room would be if it weren't for Magnus. He was the one with the eye for color and how to make a place comfortable with minimal resources. It was a skill that Alec hadn't really acquired since he was content as long as there was somewhere comfortable to sleep, somewhere for his weapons, and books were available.

"It doesn't have to be. If it works for you, it's enough."

But that didn't mean that Sebastian didn't miss things from home. "I wish you had your cello." Alec almost blushed at how wistful he sounded. One of the things he truly missed was music. "Or that we could find you one. I've been hoping that the market would open to a place where you could buy one." The Librarians had promised that they would always have enough money to buy whatever they wished. "If you're happy with what you have, that's what matters..." Which really didn't match what he'd said about the cello. "I just thought you'd like to have one and I'd love to hear you play someday."

Sebastian watched Alec as he spoke and all he could think was how lucky he was to know this person and how grateful he was to have met Alec who thought he was worth knowing. He hadn't thought he was worth much at all most of his life and Jack had only been able to change the way he saw himself for a short amount of time.

He had the sudden thought that Alec might only be in his life for a short amount of time, too, and a sudden wave of anxiety and sadness went through him. This confident and yet slightly shy sweet beautiful person who was sort of rambling a bit might disappear just like Jack had.

Before he could think about how silly it was to be feeling this way Sebastian was hugging Alec. Hugging him so tightly and just holding him until the feeling started to go away again.

"I'd like to find a cello and play for you. I'd like that very much."

Alec wasn't sure what he'd said to make Sebastian react that way but he hugged his friend just as tightly, murmuring the kind of soft words that he used to reassure Izzy when she needed support. Maybe it wasn't what he said. It could be some remnant of the nightmare that had been keeping them apart. "I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner."

He shouldn't have let the demon get to him. Sebastian had needed him... but Alec had needed to come to terms with things or he would have ruined this.

Now he could be strong, slowly accepting that what the demon had said wasn't true. If Alec was selfish he would take whatever Sebastian and Magnus were willing to give him without thinking of consequences. He wouldn't feel guilty for accidentally hurting Sebastian or fear that Magnus might not approve of what was happening.

"A private concert?" His tone was teasing but there was an undercurrent of worry that Alec couldn't quite hide. "I'll help you bring it back to the Library along with whatever else you find the next time the market opens."

Sebastian nodded, shifting to press his face into Alec's neck and shoulder, trying to convince himself he could let go and Alec wouldn't disappear.

"A private concert."

It was a promise and he was already looking forward to it.

Slowly he began to release Alec, embarrassed by his anxiety. "You don't have to apologize. It was your nightmare, too." He wouldn't pretend he hadn't heard and seen things that weren't meant for him. Alec had heard and seen things no one else knew. No one other than Jack. And Jack still hadn't know the full extent of things.

"Do you want...would you like to sit down?" He asked, biting his lip and looking up at Alec. He was nervous again. beginnings were always difficult. He had been worse with Jack. Jack had pursued him for weeks before Sebastian would even agree to be friends with him.

Gently running his hand along Sebastian's back, he pressed a kiss against his friend's hair. "Yeah. You can play whatever are your favorite pieces of music."

When he started pulling away, Alec brushed a kiss against his cheek. "It wasn't my nightmare. Not like it was yours. Mine would have been more..." He didn't really want to think of it. Demon poison probably would have been a main component and Magnus making that terrible deal. Death and loss and... he almost shuddered at the thought. "Remember, for me all the monsters are real."

And one of them had a smile like barb wire and promised so much for just a little time with his 'favored son'.

"I know I saw things that..." Yes, he'd seen something awful but he'd also seen something very special and beautiful. "You loved each other very much and I know you will always love him like that." It might change but Alec knew it would still be important and part of who Sebastian was.

"I'd like to... if I get to hug you again later." Alec knew he'd be able to but maybe if he demanded that then Sebastian wouldn't look so nervous.

"Will I still get to kiss you then?" Sebastian asked, happy they weren't going to get too deep into what had happened. Not yet. He didn't think he minded talking about it, but not when they hadn't even found their comfort with each other. It was still all so new he felt like any moment something would happen to make it all disappear.

He pulled away slowly, taking Alec's hand in his and moving over to the bed, climbing up and getting comfortable, leaving room enough for Alec to decide how close he wanted to sit.

"I saw things, too. It's okay if you don't want to talk about them. And...if you want to ask...about things that you saw..." He took a deep breath and pulled off his shoes, dropping them to the floor by the bed. "I can't imagine...if the world were full of Christian Scott's."

The thought actually made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Did you tell Magnus about the dream?"

"You can kiss me whenever you want unless I'm hunting demons. I don't want to be distracted then." He kept his tone serious but his eyes were bright with amusement. "Someone thinks my aim isn't as good as it should be. I'd hate to disappoint him the next time that I need to make a certain shot."

Smiling when Sebastian led him toward the bed, Alec waited for him to settle before following. For a few seconds, he hesitated, covering that doubt by pulling off his boots. He didn't want Sebastian to be uncomfortable and the realized he'd tell Alec if he was too close. Sitting beside him, he wrapped an arm around Sebastian, half curling around him. If they were going to discuss the dream, then they probably would need as much reassurance as possible.

"I don't mind talking about them. Some things I can't really talk about since they're Magnus' secrets but others I'll tell you as much as you want to know. Secrets tear people apart." Alec had learned that the hard way and he refused to be that foolish again.

"One of him was more than enough." He couldn't keep the anger out of his voice but he lightly kissed Sebastian's temple. "Not all monsters are from the Shadow World."

Shaking his head, he pushed aside those thoughts. He wasn't going to ask Sebastian to discuss what happened. That was something he had to share when he was ready, if he was ever ready. "I told Magnus the basics. Just enough for him to know what happened. The only details I shared were what the demon said to me. I wouldn't tell him things about you that are private."

"It was a perfect shot, Alec." Sebastian leaned into Alec, relaxing into the warmth. He pulled his other hand into his lap and held it between his own, watching how their fingers fit together and noticing how different they were.

He wasn't sure he wanted to talk about the dream either. Maybe it was something best left for another time. When they weren't both finding their balance in this.

"If I can find a cello I should warn you I get emotional when I play. But when haven't I been emotional around you? I feel like the only memory you'll have of me are sadness and tears." he pulled Alec's fingers to his lips and kissed them. "I don't want that to be the only part of me you know."

"I've had practice with it. I've done it before." And with similar circumstances. Protecting the people he loved gave him an edge in battle that he might not have during a normal hunt.

Their hands fit together better than he expected. Two different types of lives were marked in calluses and scars but they still seemed right together. Twisting he hand slightly so Sebastian could see the rune on his hand, he waited for some mental reprimend about telling Nephilim secrets but it seemed right to tell Sebastian. "It's called voyance. It's one of the first ones we get."

If he was being less cautious, he would react to Sebastian the way he had on his first date with Magnus. There was something about those kisses that made him want to do things that would not match their decision to go slow. "If you didn't get emotional then you'd just be playing by rote. It'd be like me reciting one of my old Latin lessons." Boring and mind numbing after it had been repeated a few times. "I am not going to think of only sadness when I think of you. You make me smile and laugh. That's something that was rare for me a few months ago."

Sebastian kissed the rune and brushed his fingers over it. "Voyance. Vision?" He looked up to see if he was right, and smiled, reaching up to touch Alec's jaw. "I hated latin. It sounds nice, but I prefer Japanese."

He was happy he could make Alec smile and laugh. It was rare for him, too. Even more rare to be the source of someone's happiness and laughter. Jack had started to show him how different his life could be. He wanted more than anything for Alec to continue showing him.

"Why is this rune the first?" he asked, still holding Alec's hand and touching his face, his gaze tracing the lines of his lips and eyes. Alec had beautiful eyes. Not because of their color, which was truly beautiful, but because he could see so much in Alec's eyes.

"A version of it. I makes it easier to see the Shadow World. The Sight, I guess but - " He almost said 'mundanes' then quickly searched for another world. "Non-Shadowhunters can have the Sight. We can see through glamours and things like in fantasy stories."

Leaning in, he stole a brief kiss. "It's required for Shadowhunters. Most of us learn at least a half dozen languages. I learned some French and Italian but I'd like to learn Japanese." It was odd talking about his training. Magnus already knew about Shadowhunters and everyone else he knew had went through it or simply wasn't interested. But Sebastian seemed genuinely curious about Alec's life.

"The first ones are to protect us from demons." The protection runes that had fallen way when Jace had been brought back from the dead. "The others are ones that we use when we start our training. We have to be able to see a Downworlder to know what we might have to fight."

Smiling at Sebastian, he realized he was about to start blushing when he noticed how his friend's gaze was lingering on him. "You're the first person I've talked about this with."

"Non-Shadowhunters like me? Can anyone see your runes or Magnus's eyes? Or is that part of being here in the Library?"

Sebastian had wondered about Magnus's beautiful cat eyes. If most of the humans in their world were oblivious how did Magnus move around freely without someone noticing? Maybe it was the glamour Alec mentioned. "Is a glamour something like a disguise?"

He was curious. He wanted to know about Alec and his world and his life.

"I could teach you what I know. I don't practice as often as I should. Unless I'm at home and my mother refuses to speak English." The thought he had of his mother made him realize how much he did miss her. But then Alec smiled at him and he pressed several small kisses to his chin and around his mouth and thought of how happy she might be if she could see him now. "I hope you don't mind so many questions. It's okay if you want to change the subject. But i do have one more question before you do...will I have the chance to see more of your runes?"

He was proud of himself. He didn't blush.

"Usually they have some Fae blood in their family but other Non-Shadowhunters could have the Sight." It was rare but how could someone really track who was born Fae unless there was pointy ears or some other sign of the influence that was obvious? "If we let them see them, they can. Usually I glamour my marks or we glamour ourselves completely so only people from the Shadow World can see us."

Would that bother Sebastian? In Alec's world, they probably wouldn't have met because he rarely interacted with Mundanes. The thought sickened him slightly. How many people had they ignored because they weren't 'good enough'? At least being with Magnus had cured some of his elitism. "Glamours hide things we don't want seen. I normally hide my Marks when I think they'll draw too much attention. Magnus had to hide his eyes for centuries." That wasn't too much of a secret to tell. It was simple logic. Magnus' eyes were too distinctive not to get unwelcome attention from someone.

Smiling at the kisses, he stole a few when he could. "Would she speak English to me?" What would she think of a boy covered in scars and Marks? Maybe all that would matter was if Alec could make Sebastian happy. "I don't mind. I don't want to have secrets unless it's something I can't share because it'll hurt someone else. And we've told a few Non-Shadowhunters about us so I've broken the rules before."

Lifting Sebastian's hand, he kissed the back, brushing his thumb along his friend's knuckles. "You saw a few of them when we were in the bath," he teased but he knew that Sebastian probably hadn't been paying attention to his Marks. "You'll get to see them. They cover most of my body." Sebastian could decide how much of them he wanted to see... eventually. He'd promised nothing too serious would happen today and he wasn't going to break that promise.

"Invisibility is a little impressive." Sebastian smiled, his expression teasing. Choosing to become invisible was far better than simply being invisible to most of the world. "Fae? As in Faeries? Aren't Faeries too small to...you know...with a human?"

Yes. He's asking a question about magical sex. He had a lot of questions now that he and Alec were more comfortable. And if Alec didn't mind him asking he would probably ask most of what was popping into his head as they talked. It was sad to imagine Magnus having to hide a part of himself from the world. He didn't pretend anything he'd been through was anything like what he imagined Magnus had been through in his long life. But he could understand a little of what it felt like.

Sebastian closed his eyes when Alec kissed him, smiling and feeling far better about all the newness and getting to know each other intimacy they were sharing. It made him glad he had found the courage to ask Alec for some time like this. Where they could be themselves and not worry about others.

"My mother is very much a lady and one of the most polite people you will ever meet. But she also has a presence about her that makes everyone stand a little straighter while also making them feel more relaxed. She wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable. That's my fathers job apparently." But he didn't want to discuss his father when he was in a nice place at Alec's side, sharing kisses and secrets. He watched as Alec lifted his hand, feeling the heat in his cheeks spread everywhere at the memory. He had noticed, but he'd been so caught up in other things he hadn't taken the time to really look.

That would have been inappropriate even if Alec wasn't as modest as he was normally.

"I have a couple of marks." He said softly. "Nothing like yours of course. The first is just a scar." He shifted so he could look at Alec, show him the scar above his eye, bisecting the smaller end of his eyebrow. The mark left from the last time Christian Scott had attacked him. "The other you'll have to find on your own someday. I'll only give you the one hint. It's a birth mark."

"That's not usually the Rune that people think is impressive." He wasn't sure what would interest Sebastian. Agility? Healing? He thought of the scar on his arm where the fearless had been before he remembered some of Magnus' 'objectifying' descriptions and almost blushed.

The question about sex didn't really bother him. Izzy and Jace had asked similar things when they were training. And there had been lectures on who was appropriate for a Shadowhunter to date. Strange that a Fae was okay but Mundanes weren't. "They're human size. Well, some of them are. The Seelie are more like elves. Kind of. If you took the manipulative side of the stories instead of what you seen in those movies." He still liked those movies but he really hoped none of the Fae from his reality showed up.

"I've known a few people like that. My mom's the type that makes people stand straighter but she doesn't put people at ease. She's... Not really like your mom or what you imagine mothers to be." If he hadn't accepted that long ago, it would probably hurt to say it but now it was simply another fact. "I think I'd like to meet your mother." As he spoke, he gave Sebastian a wry look. "I'm not easily intimidated or made to feel uncomfortable. At least not now." Before it would have worked but Alec had accepted himself so he wasn't going to let anyone intimidate him again because of who he loved.

The scar wasn't the worst Alec had seen but it still made his heart ache. Sebastian had been hurt and he couldn't help wondering if it was because of something he'd seen in that nightmare. Brushing his lips against the scar, he tried to push away those thoughts. "I'm grateful that it's not like Shadowhunter scars."

For a few seconds, he was tempted to try to tease an answer from Sebastian but that would ruin the surprise. "I'll have to try to find it someday. And you'll have to learn what runes are were."

"I'm a boring human who lived in a world where everything is myths and legends or imagined stories in a book. Nothing is real the way things are real in your world." Sebastian wondered what did impress most people. What other runes did Alec have and what were they used for? He wanted to know everything he could about Alec.

"I'm not overly fond of manipulative types so I don't think I'd get along well with the Seelie." Christian Scott had been very manipulative.

"You could easily win my mother over by being you. Especially if meeting my father doesn't scare you away. Not that I would want to introduce you to him." It was a small lie. Nothing would make him happier than being able to introduce someone he cared deeply for to his father. But he couldn't imagine hugs and smiles and acceptance. Even after his apologies and explanations. Excuses is what they sounded like to Sebastian. But he was still angry and hurt and here int he Library he didn't have to try and force himself to forgive or even think about his father much. But when he did he missed his father and he hated that he did feel that way still.

The memory and thoughts were easily pushed away by the touch of Alec's lips. "I wish it were like yours. Then I could say it was an act of bravery protecting someone from evil."

He sighed and nuzzled his face against Alec's, lacing their fingers together. "I hope you do try. I think I would like it immensely. And I want to find all your marks. Learn them all by sight and touch." It made him nervous to be so honest and direct, but he didn't want to let fear keep him from what he wanted most. He had let that happen before and he regretted it with his entire heart and soul.

"You don't know that you lived in a world where everything was stories." Most Mundanes in Alec's world believed that demons and vampires were nothing more than fiction. "There could be Shadowhunters in your world and you'd never know." He wasn't sure if that was possible, but considering everything Alec had seen, he wouldn't assume it wasn't.

"I don't either." For a moment, his expression faltered, remembering the spell that had been cast on him. "I'm not in their good graces anymore. Most Shadowhunters aren't but Jace and I did some things that made their queen hate us."

The idea of meeting Sebastian's father didn't worry him except that he'd be concerned that somehow his boyfriend would get hurt. "I've fought Greater Demons and met Princes of Hell. I'm hard to scare," he teased before brushing a kiss to Sebastian's temple. "And I know how hard it is to introduce a boyfriend to your parents. It didn't go well when Magnus met my parents." It hadn't been as bad as Alec feared but it hadn't been a warm welcome.

"Each scar is a sign of a hardship that you've overcome. You moved forward so you did protect someone: yourself." It might not be the same as a Shadowhunter's duty but it was important. Taking their hands, he placed them over part of the claw marks on his chest. "You've seen that scar. That isn't something that most people survive. It was a miracle that I made it through that night." Magnus might have conjured up that miracle but it still was one. "That's not something you should wish for, Sebastian."

Especially when they were in a place where wishes could be twisted around.

Humming softly, he pushed aside the memories of the Greater Demon. "I will since you want me to and I'll try to make sure you like it that much." Arching an eyebrow at the comment about his marks, he gently squeezed Sebastian's fingers. He knew that this was new for both of them even if they had been with others before. "I'll have to get you a Codex so you can memorize what they mean. You can use me as a real world example to compare to."

"There are no super heroes or saviors or angels where I'm from." Sebastian realized how horribly pessimistic that sounded and quickly added. "I can't imagine anyone hating you, but I haven't met Jace nor seen you two together. Maybe you're a bad influence on him." He teased.

Introducing Alec was never going to be a problem. He didn't think he'd ever go back. No matter how much he missed his mother and his library and his wardrobe. There were other things, but he was learning to live without them or learning to be patient as it seemed the Market was a good way to get what they needed often enough.

He didn't think he could say anything about Christian Scott or Jack. He hadn't protected himself and he hadn't saved anyone. But saying so felt wrong. Disrespectful and hurtful. Alec's world sounded terrifying and difficult and painful. To be born into his world was a great burden, but not one he thought Alec would wish differently. Or maybe he would. He wondered about Alec and Magnus being here in the Library and if that would change for them one day. They were safe here. But for people who faced dangers their entire life, where demons were real and death was part of the reality of everyday life, could they remain happy here?

Sebastian smiled with a more pleasant topic of conversation to focus on. "Something like geography? Find this mark on the map that is Alec's body." Saying it outloud made him blush a bit, but he inhaled at the thought and nuzzled his nose and lips across Alec's cheek and jaw, finding his ear and neck. "I'm really happy to be here with you, Alec."

Turning a bit more so that he could look at Sebstian better, his expression became resolute. "You don't know that. Non-Shadowhunters where I'm from believe that there are not angels and there's no monsters but I know that it's true. I'm one of their myths."

And there was one part of Sebastian's comment that Alec knew wasn't true. "There was a boy back home named Simon. He's the one that saved me from the Greater Demon. He saved Magnus and Izzy when I couldn't. He saved my family when I was helpless to do anything to protect them. He wasn't a Shadowhunter when he saved me and he was a vampire when he saved Izzy and Magnus but he never stopped being the person he was before. He was a hero and he wasn't part angel or part demon. He was completely normal like you think you are and he was a hero."

Just like with Simon, there was something vital and special in Sebastian but he didn't see it in himself.

Alec hoped that Sebastian would never have to go through the things Simon had. Or even the kinds of things that Shadowhunters dealt with on a daily bases. Mundanes didn't have to worry about the same things that Downworlders and Shadowhunters did. There were dangers, that bully Alec had seen in the nightmare proved that, but it was a different type of danger. One that he'd find a way to protect Sebastian from if he was allowed to.

Laughing softly at the comparison, he turned his head to steal a kiss. "I don't have all the marks. Most of my body's covered but I doubt anyone could have all the runs at once." And he had one that only one other person shared... and one that Jace had never worn. An odd thought that made him suddenly miss his parabatai.

Shivering at the attention to his neck, Alec grinned and pulled Sebastian closer. "I'm happy to be here with you. I didn't expect this to happen but I'm grateful that it did."

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