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central_librarymods ([personal profile] central_librarymods) wrote in [community profile] central_librarylogs2015-09-21 08:46 pm

The 9th Hour... (Phase 1: Sept-Oct Event)


The cold presence is seeping in through the dark shadows. The darkness is reaching further, brushing the minds of the patrons and opening doors to dimensions that should not be open. Something wants in. But in the Central Library, there are ways to get through without crossing entirely… through your dreams. Among other things.

Pick one of the options below and make a post for other patrons to join you in the events. You may make up your own, but keep it matching the event at hand as the different phases of the event will progressively get worse.


1. Your dreams are getting dangerous, violent even. When you wake up, there are bruises and injuries that shouldn’t be there. What is going on? Why are your dreams becoming a reality little by little? And why is it getting so hard to wake up?


2. Things are shifting in the Library. The shadows are moving and the temperatures are starting to drop. There are cold spots that sometimes get colder and sometimes it feels like if you turn around, you’ll find someone right behind you.


3. The monsters are looking a bit more frantic and daring to come closer to the center of the Library where they normally will not tread. It seems you aren’t the only ones scared of the dark recesses any longer.


4. The Market is now a lovely little faire of the early Renaissance with all sorts of fresh grain, fruits and vegetables! It is a brilliant sight, but it seems the ominous plague masks they don still gives a foreboding feeling of the miasma that killed over two-thirds of the world’s population… Perhaps you shouldn’t wander very far.


5. New areas are now opened up. A blacksmith and workshop for the tinkers has been created. You might want to look or contribute... You might also want to stop in the new bath area. The large pool has a Grecian feel and all of the walls are made of crystalline glass where the stars are always shining with a different universe in constant succession.


6. Wild Card: Make up your own scenario. Just remember that all of the things above are happening. Things are getting foreboding and growing stronger by the day. Sleep will be a luxury you might not have… You may not see what’s coming, not yet. But you know it’s coming.
dulcet_cellist: (Amused Surprise)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-09-29 02:40 am (UTC)(link)
Alec really did just casually admit to being part angel. And all Sebastian could do was stare with a mixture of disbelief and awe. Disbelief because angels weren't real. Not where he was from. Demons he could believe existed. Angels? No.

If they did exist where had they been when Jack needed them? Or when he'd needed them. Again and again.

It was the jaded part of himself that found it difficult to believe in angels. But Alec...he could believe in Alec. He believed he was telling the truth. And it made sense. Angels were suppose to be beautiful, right? Apparently so were Warlocks. Maybe everyone in Alec's world was beautiful.

At the very least Alec's world sounded far more interesting than his own. Just not the part where children were marked with runes and really didn't have career options.

Sebastian realized he was still staring, smiling stupidly at Alec, and quickly looked away for a moment.

"I'm sorry. I just...you tell me you're part angel as if it's no big deal, but they don't exist where I'm from so...I'm a little...stunned. Angel? Really?"

alec_lightwood: (Nervous)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-09-29 02:57 am (UTC)(link)
He knew that there were worlds where Angels probably didn't exist. In his own world, most Mundanes thought of them as stories or part of certain religions but Alec knew the truth of his reality. He wouldn't be able to bear his marks if he didn't have angelic gifts. "At least you aren't automatically saying I'm crazy. Is it really that hard to believe that I'm part angel when Magnus has eyes like a cat and pointed teeth?" The points weren't that noticeable unless he smiled a certain way but they were there. "All stories, all religious tales, are based on some truth."

A few months ago, Alec would have blushed or been oblivious to the way Sebsatian was smiling. Now he wondered why he was smiling like that. Maybe it was because of the angel part of the story? "These are things that normally I wouldn't tell a Mundane. A human that hasn't had contact with the supernatural world but you won't tell the Clave. That would - " At that Alec looked momentarily uncomfortable. "Telling mundanes is against the rules but we've done it before.

"We don't have wings. We're not immortal like warlocks. We're stronger and faster than humans. The marks help with that. They enhance our gifts. This is the life we're born into. There really isn't anything else for us."
dulcet_cellist: (Innocent Listening)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-09-29 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
That sobered Sebastian's smile.

"Demons are easier to believe exist." He shrugged one shoulder. "They're everywhere. One form or another. Maybe not like the ones you have in your world."

He did blush a bit admitting out loud, "It's not that difficult to believe you're part angel, Alec."

And then just as awkwardly, "I won't tell anyone."

He wouldn't. He could keep secrets.
alec_lightwood: (Shy Smile)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-09-29 04:22 am (UTC)(link)
"And angels exist in one form or another but I don't think it's the angelic gifts that makes Shadowhunters want to protect others." The angels that Alec had seen were indifferent to the plight of the mortal world. "That's the human part of us. It was a human who asked for help to stop demons. It's probably the human side that makes warlocks good instead of evil."

The blush and the compliment caused him to smile. Usually comments like that went over his head or were ignored but with Sebastian... "And I believe there's more to you than you think." Magnus would describe it better than Alec ever could but there was certainty in the simple words. Laughing softly, he ran a hand through his hair, looking almost shy. "There has to be. Most people can't get me to talk like this."

Looking up, he gave Sebastian an understanding look. "I know you won't or I wouldn't have said anything. I kept secrets for years. I know when someone else is good at it."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#7276616)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-02 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
Sebastian shook his head a little, silently disagreeing and looking around at the bath. "I like listening to you talk."

It was the simple truth. Alec was willing to talk to him and didn't seem to be forcing himself to be nice or social out of sympathy or obligation. He felt real and sincere and Sebastian couldn't remember the last person, other than Jack, who had felt that way.

The only time Christian Scott had felt real or sincere was when he was attacking him. And this time Jack hadn't been there to save him.

That was another thing about Alec. He felt safe. Even now, when he was so exposed, it was his modesty, not his fear keeping him mostly covered by the water. Modesty and Magnus.

"You said Magnus is a Warlock...but he's also half human?"
alec_lightwood: (Nervous)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-02 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
Alec rolled his eyes when Sebastian refused to accept the compliment. What he'd said was true and eventually Sebastian would figure it out.

Wanting to talk to someone who wasn't his siblings or Magnus was new. He'd never been the center of attention or considered 'interesting'. He'd never understood talking about yourself but with Sebastian it was easy to talk about his world and his life.

He couldn't even talk to Jace like this. His parabatai tried but it wasn't in Jace's nature. And Magnus... Now he could but when they'd first started dating, it had almost been painfully awkward. With Sebastian... if Alec didn't know that Sebastian was still grieving...

At least jealousy wasn't something that he and Magnus worried about anymore.

"Yeah. Warlocks are born from a demon and a human. His mother was human and a demon visited her." Lightly kicking his foot in the water, Alec tried to think of the best way to explain. "I don't think she knew. They sometimes shift shape so she would have thought the demon was her husband." At least that was Alec's guess no matter what Magnus' father had hinted at. Demons lied, especially when it could hurt someone deeply. "There's no way to be sure. It was centuries ago. But he's a good person. That matters more than who his father was."
dulcet_cellist: (Amused Surprise)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-03 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
Sebastian was slightly horrified that this had happened to Magnus's mother. But if it hadn't happened Magnus wouldn't have been born who he was and it was clear Alec liked him the way he was. Even if he hadn't actually met Magnus yet. But the truth was he could think of worse things.

"My father...he's not a bad person. He just..." Would have been happier if his son had been normal is what he wanted to say. His father had explained, apologized, but it wasn't just the way his father reacted to him when he came out. He'd felt wrong his entire life. Jack had been the first person to make him feel right and okay the way he was. "I'm not what he..."

He chewed his bottom lip trying to find the words and then decided to change the subject back a little.

"May I ask how old Magnus is?"
Edited 2015-10-03 04:19 (UTC)
alec_lightwood: (Nervous)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-03 04:27 am (UTC)(link)
The story was horrifying, which was why Alec told it instead of letting Magnus explain warlocks. It was something that always hurt Alec's boyfriend, especially when others judged him his heritage. Better to get the shock over with than have Sebastian say something that would have Magnus wishing he had his magic back so he could turn curious mundanes into red pandas.

"He wanted a straight son he'd be proud of. Someone 'normal' that he wasn't embarrassed of. Completely ignoring that there's more to someone than whether they prefer men or women?" There was a hint of bitterness in Alec's voice despite his attempts at forgiving his family. It was a guess but it sounded familiar enough that Alec could have been talking about Robert. "My father used to ask what he did wrong to make me gay."

Then it turned out that it had nothing to do with Alec and everything to do with Robert and his parabatai.

"Magnus is about four hundred. Give or take. He's kind of lost track over the years."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#7489089)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-03 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
Sebastian was still too angry to explain everything. He wanted to believe his father, accept his apology, but the hurt was still too deep.

"Instead he was gifted with a gay cellist who looks really good in a swimsuit."

If only he were wearing one now, he thought to himself, trying to ignore the fact that he wasn't.

"Magnus looks good for his age." But then his expression softened. "Being half angel...will you live longer than humans?"
alec_lightwood: (Shy Smile)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-03 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
"And he's too blind to realize that you are a gift." The words would have sounded like flirting from Magnus but they're simple honesty with Alec. But his gaze did linger on Sebastian, appreciative but not moving below the water. He had the feeling that if he tried to see anything lower Sebastian would blush until he fainted.

"You would look good in a swimsuit." And without one but Alec wasn't going to cross that line until he was sure how Sebastian would react. At least Alec knew that Magnus wouldn't mind him looking and maybe flirting.

"Warlocks reach a certain age and will always look that way." Which was part of the problem that the Library fixed. "The Angel didn't give us immortality. Most of us die young but if we don't, we live a normal human lifespan."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#8385268)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-03 06:55 am (UTC)(link)
"I do look good in a swimsuit." The words had sounded better in his head. Confident, teasing. But then he'd spoken and he wasn't as sure of himself.

What was he doing? Was it okay to feel like this? To be okay with this? He liked Alec, felt comfortable with him. Enjoyed talking to him and listening to him. He'd missed this feeling. But it scared him a little how easy it felt. And how easy it could go away.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't...say things like that to you. Especially because...I'm jealous of you. And Magnus. And I like you. And then there is the most obvious reason...I'm naked. I'm also really...not a gift. I'm a mess. Over a year and I'm still a mess. A...naked...babbling...mess...who is talking to a half angel about his half demon boyfriend. And I'm...going to blame the probable concussion."

Sebastian held his breath, started turning red, and then turned and headed straight for his clothes, trying to ignore the hot tears and overwhelming urge to cover himself. He simply couldn't carry on a conversation with Alec until he put on his boxer-briefs. Even if it meant getting them wet.
alec_lightwood: (Thoughtful)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-03 07:11 am (UTC)(link)
Alec didn't expect Sebastian to accept the compliment let alone agree with it. It might have lacked some confidence but it was more than Sebastian probably would have said to anyone else. "We'll have to find you one so you can prove it."

It was more tactful than what Magnus would have said or what Alec would say now that he'd gotten over his fears. Sebastian was still hurting and he was shy. Even if Magnus had given his approval, they both had given their approval, he wasn't going to say too much.

This wasn't something either one of them would do. Well, Magnus wouldn't now that he'd found Alec and Alec had never been the type to be easily distracted in matters of the heart but this was different. Alec had talked to Magnus about Sebastian enough for his boyfriend to realize how rare it was for Alec to like someone. The fact that Magnus liked Sebastian too had eased most of Alec's worries. The fact that they both knew how much they loved each other made this easier.

Alec could kind of flirt with someone and see how they felt without worrying about Magnus thinking he was leaving him. And flirting was as necessary as breathing for Magnus...

"Why shouldn't you? I'm not offended. I don't mind flirting. I flirted back. And if it's Magnus you're worried about. He's okay with this." That was probably too blunt but it got the point across.

His expression turned to worry when Sebastian mentioned the concussion. "You have a concussion?" Setting down the dagger, Alec slipped into the water, cutting off the most direct path toward Sebastian's clothes. Lightly touching his arm, Alec met his gaze, worry and sincerity replacing the earlier teasing. "It's okay, Sebastian. We're both naked. If any of us was babbling it was me."

A rarity that had been another reason for Magnus' approval. "There is no timeline for grief. How long do you think I'd be a mess if Magnus had died a few months ago? I don't think I'd still be alive. Not in the ways that matter. And you are not going to convince me that you're not a gift."
dulcet_cellist: (Innocent Listening)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-03 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
There was so much going on in those few moments that he was simply stunned standing there staring into Alec's eyes. Emotions, thoughts, confusion.

Was it really okay to flirt with Alec? Not simply because of Magnus--and why was Magnus okay with this? Would Jack be okay with this? This was why he was a mess. He wanted things, felt things, that didn't fit with the other things he wanted and felt.

Slowly he relaxed, forgetting for the moment his need for underwear, and tried to focus on one thing at a time. Reaching up to lightly touch the cut and bruise. He hadn't looked in a mirror, just cleaned up the blood and ran out the door to get some air.

"I...fell." He had enough going on right now. Bringing Christian Scott into this mess was just too much. And then he thought of what Casey Jones had said. He was a bad liar. "Into a glass window."

But that wasn't important in comparison to other things.

"It is technically a bath." His gaze dropped and he immediately looked up at the ceiling for a moment before attempting to meet Alec's gaze again. It was the touch that was most distracting. He thought he'd forgotten what it felt like. Simple touches. "You talked to Magnus about me?"
alec_lightwood: (Shy Smile)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-03 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
As he waited for Sebastian to speak, he tried to figure out what his friend was thinking. It probably did seem weird that Magnus was okay with whatever was going on but he understood Alec. He knew that Alec instantly reacted to someone either for good or ill. Sometimes that worked in his favor, like with Jace and Magnus and others... He probably still owed apologies to Clary and Simon. But once he liked someone, his heart was involved. And, after everything they'd been through, jealousy wasn't an issue anymore. Not that Sebastian would know that without being told about what had happened in their relationship.

When he finally received an answer, he had to hold back his first reaction. You fell. Like I 'fell' onto a Greater Demon's claws. He couldn't say it aloud without hurting his friend. Sebastian was lying nd he knew it. But he wouldn't tell Alec anything if he pushed too hard. Maybe years of dealing with Jace helped with knowing when to cross certain lines and when to wait. At least Sebastian wouldn't kick his ass if he said something he shouldn't. "That was the injury in your world. The injuries in our nightmares are different. You might not be concussed now even if you were then."

At least he hoped Sebastian wasn't seriously injured. Magnus could probably heal him if it was necessary and Alec helped give him a boost.

He kept the contact light, not just because of Sebastian's feelings for Jack but because someone had hurt Sebastian in the past. Alec didn't want him to feel trapped or like this was leading to something he couldn't control. "It's socially acceptable nakedness." His lips twitched as he fought back a smile. "I've talked about you a lot. The two of you really need to meet."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#8385262)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-05 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
"I suppose..." Sebastian couldn't decide if it was easier or harder to not look away. He had thought the first time he'd met Alec that he had beautiful eyes. The same for Magnus. Although he hadn't seen Magnus's eyes up close.

It wasn't simply the color he was drawn to. It was often said the eyes were the windows to a persons soul. But it was more than that. Different and yet the same. He didn't have words to explain it, but he'd know the first time he'd looked into Christian Scott's eyes there was something wrong. And John Davies, Christian's best friend, was someone to fear.

His father was more difficult to read. Until their recent talk he hadn't looked into Sebastian's eyes. Not for a long time.

Alec was different. He knew some things about his new friend, but it wasn't what he knew or didn't know. It was the feeling that Alec wasn't just being nice to a random stranger. He felt sincere and honest. He looked into Alec's eyes and he wasn't afraid. Nervous. But not afraid.

He was more afraid of his own emotions and uncertainty than he was of Alec or even Magnus.

"I suppose it's only fair. You do talk to me about Magnus."

But then he couldn't keep his eyes from wandering lower, briefly before he looked away and back to Alec's face again. "Did you....have trouble waking up from your dream?"
alec_lightwood: (Blue eyes)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-05 03:51 am (UTC)(link)
"The wounds are different or I wouldn't be here." At least he assumed he wouldn't. Maybe the Librarians would be able to save him but if not...

As he watched Sebastian, he waited to see some sign that he was uncomfortable or afraid. He relaxed more when he realized that his friend didn't appear to be bothered by Alec being so close. His smile steadied but became almost shy.

He really wasn't sure what he was doing. He knew he liked and liked Sebastian. There was more to his friend than Sebastian realized. More than what most people would notice. Sebastian was strong, probably stronger than Alec really was despite all his training. He endured what Alec doubted he'd be able to live through and was still kind and cared for others.

That was something Alec respected and found more alluring than he expected.

A hint of a flush crept across his cheeks at the thought, deepening despite his efforts to control the blush when Sebastian mentioned Magnus. He did have a tendency to be a little starry eyed about his boyfriend. "You can tell me to shut up if I talk about him too much. I won't mind."

The blush actually faded when Sebastian looked lower. Any self-conscious feelings he'd had disappeared after the kiss in Idris. There was no reason to be embarrassed or hide. And he had stolen a few glances at Sebastian as well. It was only fair if Sebastian looked at him as well.

"No, I..." He should say that Magnus woke him up, which was mostly true. As soon as Magnus had heard him scream, his boyfriend had been desperate to wake him. But it hadn't really been Magnus' intervention that had jerked him out of sleep. It had been the agony that had run through him as he relived the wound. "When I was hurt, it was... It was bad."

A hint of that old pain lingered in his expression. "That wasn't a good night for me or for Magnus." Sebastian probably didn't want to hear about it but if he asked, Alec would tell him about it. "But did make me realize I had to change."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#8385268)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-05 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
"I told you...I like listening to you talk."

Sebastian had never liked blushing so easily. It made him feel vulnerable because it wasn't something he could control or hide. But he thought Alec looked handsome.

He wondered what it was about Magnus he was thinking to make him blush that way. Jack had made him blush so often he sometimes thought he'd never stop blushing.

Alec loved Magnus the way he loved Jack.

"You said there was poison and he saved you." He asked, finding it easier to look this time. And to touch. Fingertips lightly tracing outside the edge of one mark, careful and only for a moment. "Does it still hurt?"
alec_lightwood: (Nervous)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-07 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
"Listening to me talk is different than listening to me talk about Magnus."

Jace would have started making gagging noises by now and Izzy would be giving him amused looks. If he wasn't so happy with Magnus, it would worry Alec that he could go on and on about someone until it almost sounded like he was babbling. That was a little embarrassing considering how he'd told his siblings that he didn't understand how people could chatter endlessly on a topic. It turned out he could if the topic was a certain cat-eyed warlock.

They'd never let him live it down if they heard him now.

Even if Alec normally lacked tact, he shouldn't tell Sebastian what it was like. He didn't need to know how terrible the wound had been or how terrified he'd been of dying alone. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have survived."

He managed to fight back a shiver when Sebastian touched him, his thoughts fading out for a second so he momentarily forgot what they'd been talking about. Wait. No. He was a Shadowhunter. He wasn't that easily distracted... unless there was a cat-eyed warlock around. "Uh - No?" That wasn't supposed to be a question. "It's mostly healed now. It was worse in the dream."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#8385268)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-08 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
If he were capable he would touch Alec again just to be sure of what he thought he caught in that moment. He would happily tease Jack about it if he could. He would happily tease Alec about it, too.

If he could.

"Healing on the outside isn't the same as healing on the inside."

He wasn't sure he'd ever heal. He had been healing. Had thought finally he was free to love Jack and be with him for the rest of his life. No more hiding. No more secrets. No more fear.

And then a few months later, after nearly four years, Jack was gone. Everything was gone. All that was left was a hole and he found himself wondering if having something and losing it was better or worse than never having it at all.

Because now there was this person who he found attractive and nice and warm. Someone who made him feel things again. Made him want things again.

Sebastian wasn't sure when it had happened, but when he blinked a few times to clear his vision his hand was pressed flat against Alec's chest.

Things he couldn't have and shouldn't want.

"I want to hear more about you and Magnus so don't worry about how much you talk about him."
alec_lightwood: (Shy Smile)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-08 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
It took a few seconds for Alec to catch up with what Sebastian said and what he'd meant. Not the claw marks but the underlying pain that they'd caused.

"Healing on the inside is going to take time. My family... What they did will take a long time to heal." If it ever did. He'd already forgiven Jace and he'd mostly forgiven his mother but Robert? His father had hurt Alec too often and too deeply over the years to allow him to easily forgive.

It surprised him that Sebastian had realized there was more to the wound than just cuts and poison. Magnus knew since he'd spent the night at his bedside but even Izzy, the only person in his family who had tried to stay with him, didn't realize how much that night had hurt him emotionally.

Memories faded as Sebastian touched one of the few places on his body that wasn't covered with marks. Knowing how Sebastian felt about Jack and how shy he seemed, Alec hadn't expected him to be that forward.

"Are you sure? My brother threatened to sell me to the goblins if I talked about him this much. And most people would be offended if I talked about Magnus while we were flirting." Which was something that Alec probably shouldn't say but it was something that probably needed to be dealt with.
dulcet_cellist: (That's Just How It Is)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-08 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
"I'm not offended." Sebastian pressed his hand more firmly against Alec's chest. He didn't want to stop touching him, but he knew he probably should."I know, without a doubt, how deeply you love Magnus."

He really should stop.

"Flirting is just...I know it's not serious."

A breath and he still couldn't move his hand. Alec was warm and real and right there. If he took his hand away... "I don't know how to heal."
alec_lightwood: (Nervous)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-09 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
Despite knowing the basics about dating and relationships, Alec really didn't know how to interpret the way Sebastian kept his hand on his chest. With anyone else, he'd figure it was a come on but he knew Sebastian was still trying to figure things out. "And I know how much you love Jack." Which was why he was being more careful that he had been with Magnus.

"I never figured out casual flirting. If I flirt with someone, I mean it." Maybe casual was what Sebastian needed. If it was, Alec could try but he knew that for him, feelings would be involved.

"Sometimes healing happens without us realizing it. We just wake up and realize it doesn't hurt as much." Alec hoped eventually it would happen for them both. It already had with his mother's actions but others would take longer... if they ever healed. "I had to accept myself, what I am, before I could really start to heal."
dulcet_cellist: (pic#8385268)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-10 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
Sebastian stared at where his hand was still pressed against Alec's chest. He ached. He missed Jack so very much right then. But he also really liked Alec. A lot.

"I don't think I know what I am anymore."

He really didn't. He thought he did. He thought he'd known all along. He thought he'd Been defiantly fighting against everything everyone ever said about him. And then he'd met Jack and his world had changed.

Standing here with Alec he felt like his world was changing again. It scared him. But not changing scared him more. He didn't want to be alone again. And he didn't want to be the person others had told him he was. He wanted to be the person Jack had fallen in love with. He wanted to be the person Alec thought was worth knowing.

He was worth knowing right? He was worth being noticed by someone as beautiful and open as Alec?

Sebastian took a quick breath in and felt his heart beat faster as he forced himself to look into Alec's eyes again.

"I never figured out casual flirting either. I don't do anything I don't mean. I'm a mess. And I am scared, Alec. Because I really like you. And I'm scared because you are warm and real and if I take my hand away...you won't be real anymore."
alec_lightwood: (Kind of Adorable)

[personal profile] alec_lightwood 2015-10-10 11:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Alec understood not knowing who or what you were anymore. He'd felt that way when he'd been fighting against old traditions and the need to please his parents. Even after outing himself, he'd still struggled, trying to please everyone. It hadn't been until Magnus had almost died and they'd agreed to work on their relationship that Alec had finally let go of the past. "You're more than you think and you'll figure it out in time. I didn't know until a few weeks ago."

It felt like longer but stopping a couple apocalypses changed a person's perceptions of time.

"But I do know that you're more than you think you are. You're too hard on yourself." Alec had been too until he'd decided to focus on the present instead of what the future might bring.

Which might be why he was more open to the idea of having feelings for two people instead of the traditional 'one person only' situation. Sebastian was strong and alluring in a way that Alec hadn't expected when they'd first met. His heart was more accepting than anyone Alec had ever met, never looking at Alec or Magnus like they were something to be feared or hated.

He knew that Magnus liked Sebastian even if they hadn't officially met. If caring for both didn't hurt either, then why fight whatever was going on between them? He had the feeling that they'd be good for each other even if he wasn't sure he'd ever find the words to describe that theory.

"You might be a mess, but that's okay if you don't let it get the better of you. It's okay to be scared too. No one is every completely fearless." Unless a rune was involved but that wasn't important now. "I really like you too but I'm hoping that there's more to you liking me than me being real." It was okay if that was all it was. He understood the idea of rebound relationships but Alec would be more cautious of what happened between them.

"You don't have to move but I will still be here, be real, when you decide to take your hand away."

dulcet_cellist: (Tears)

[personal profile] dulcet_cellist 2015-10-11 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
"There is." It was important that Alec understood. Hazel eyes pleading and scared of saying the wrong thing. He'd never been very good expressing his feelings with words. Until Jack he'd spent most of his life keeping his thoughts and feelings mostly to himself. "I don't...touch people..."

How did he make what he was feeling make sense without Alec knowing why it was so hard?

"I don't touch people I don't like and it's not simply that I like you the way someone likes wheat bread more than white. You're direct and honest and sincere. And I'm really...stupid with...explaining things."

He really didn't want to cry again, but this was important and frustrating. It took a moment before something came to mind in all the jumbled thoughts and rising panic in his chest. He could mess this up completely and lose someone again if he didn't say or do something.

So he took his hand away from Alec's chest and carefully took Alec's hand in his own, pulling it to his own chest and holding it there over his heart. He spoke slowly, shakily.

"You said..you wouldn't survive if you lost Magnus. Imagine...that feeling is me. The one and only wonderful thing to happen to me my entire life is gone. So I died inside and it hurts and I miss him. Imagine that feeling and then one day, unexpectedly, I find myself talking to someone who makes me want to say things I couldn't say to anyone else. Someone who makes me want to smile and to laugh and to tease. Not because you make me want to be alive again. It's because you smile, too, Alec. You laugh and tease and...I...I just...I'm...I have the worst social skills ever so if at any point you want to tell me to shut up."

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure Alec could hear it over his babbling.

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