"You like me, like me." The words were spoken with a hint smile. He'd said something similar months ago and been accused of sounding like he was twelve. But it was an effective description and one that he hoped would ease Sebastian's fears. "And you aren't stupid with explaining things. This is... complicated."
There was so many feelings involved that it was impossible for any of this to be simple. Magnus, Jack... Not that this made either one of them love someone less. It was different and something he wouldn't have considered if he hadn't seen and spoke to Tessa. Read Magnus' stories about Alec's ancestor. He would have considered this as proof he didn't love Magnus enough but now he knew that those thoughts were untrue.
He saw the panic reflected in Sebastian's and he gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't ever be afraid of me, okay?" Alec knew that Sebastian wasn't really afraid of him but he couldn't say that Sebastian could say anything to him or promise not to react to something. He was too honest to make promise like that. "I'm not going to walk away because of something you saw now."
His expression turned to surprise when Sebastian rested his hand against his heart. As his friend spoke, Alec easily imagined that loss. He had almost lost Magnus. He had offered his life for Magnus' and given him what Alec had thought would be their last kiss. His heart had shattered and he knew that even if he'd still been physically alive after losing Magnus, he would have been dead inside. He'd come so close to losing the person he loved most...
That loss was reflected in his eyes, the hurt still not completely healed. "I know I never would have expected to feel that again. I'm glad that you feel that way about me. That you can say anything to me and I make you want to smile and tease. You deserve that and I know that he would want you to feel that again. If he truly loved you..." That was something that had taken Alec time to understand. "It would be selfish not to want someone you love to feel that. Not when it does't lessen the feelings you have for someone else."
Another reason why this wasn't weird to Alec. "You're social skills are fine and you don't need to shut up. This isn't exactly what people think of as normal. You make me smile and laugh. You're one of the few people I've met that I don't feel like I have to hide myself from." No matter how comfortable Alec might be with himself, he still had roles to play. Parabatai, brother, son, Shadowhunter. With Magnus and now Sebastian, he could let those expectations fall away. "I don't know what's going on between us but I know it isn't wrong. And it's not going to make me leave."
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There was so many feelings involved that it was impossible for any of this to be simple. Magnus, Jack... Not that this made either one of them love someone less. It was different and something he wouldn't have considered if he hadn't seen and spoke to Tessa. Read Magnus' stories about Alec's ancestor. He would have considered this as proof he didn't love Magnus enough but now he knew that those thoughts were untrue.
He saw the panic reflected in Sebastian's and he gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't ever be afraid of me, okay?" Alec knew that Sebastian wasn't really afraid of him but he couldn't say that Sebastian could say anything to him or promise not to react to something. He was too honest to make promise like that. "I'm not going to walk away because of something you saw now."
His expression turned to surprise when Sebastian rested his hand against his heart. As his friend spoke, Alec easily imagined that loss. He had almost lost Magnus. He had offered his life for Magnus' and given him what Alec had thought would be their last kiss. His heart had shattered and he knew that even if he'd still been physically alive after losing Magnus, he would have been dead inside. He'd come so close to losing the person he loved most...
That loss was reflected in his eyes, the hurt still not completely healed. "I know I never would have expected to feel that again. I'm glad that you feel that way about me. That you can say anything to me and I make you want to smile and tease. You deserve that and I know that he would want you to feel that again. If he truly loved you..." That was something that had taken Alec time to understand. "It would be selfish not to want someone you love to feel that. Not when it does't lessen the feelings you have for someone else."
Another reason why this wasn't weird to Alec. "You're social skills are fine and you don't need to shut up. This isn't exactly what people think of as normal. You make me smile and laugh. You're one of the few people I've met that I don't feel like I have to hide myself from." No matter how comfortable Alec might be with himself, he still had roles to play. Parabatai, brother, son, Shadowhunter. With Magnus and now Sebastian, he could let those expectations fall away. "I don't know what's going on between us but I know it isn't wrong. And it's not going to make me leave."