"There is." It was important that Alec understood. Hazel eyes pleading and scared of saying the wrong thing. He'd never been very good expressing his feelings with words. Until Jack he'd spent most of his life keeping his thoughts and feelings mostly to himself. "I don't...touch people..."

How did he make what he was feeling make sense without Alec knowing why it was so hard?

"I don't touch people I don't like and it's not simply that I like you the way someone likes wheat bread more than white. You're direct and honest and sincere. And I'm really...stupid with...explaining things."

He really didn't want to cry again, but this was important and frustrating. It took a moment before something came to mind in all the jumbled thoughts and rising panic in his chest. He could mess this up completely and lose someone again if he didn't say or do something.

So he took his hand away from Alec's chest and carefully took Alec's hand in his own, pulling it to his own chest and holding it there over his heart. He spoke slowly, shakily.

"You said..you wouldn't survive if you lost Magnus. Imagine...that feeling is me. The one and only wonderful thing to happen to me my entire life is gone. So I died inside and it hurts and I miss him. Imagine that feeling and then one day, unexpectedly, I find myself talking to someone who makes me want to say things I couldn't say to anyone else. Someone who makes me want to smile and to laugh and to tease. Not because you make me want to be alive again. It's because you smile, too, Alec. You laugh and tease and...I...I just...I'm...I have the worst social skills ever so if at any point you want to tell me to shut up."

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure Alec could hear it over his babbling.