Sebastian wanted to tell Alec the reason was most people thought the worst of him without noticing who he was beneath everything else. He'd learned to see himself through others eyes. And right then he couldn't imagine Alec was seeing him very well. He wasn't good with people and whatever good he'd learned to be with Jack seemed to have died with him.

"I don't know how to tell you or anyone how hard this is. Words and...making what is in my head come out sounding remotely smart or even right. I just....I just wanted to help. I'm suppose to be...but I'm not. I'm just....saying too much to a person who was nice enough to talk to me and all I've done is...sound like an idiot."

And there went his composure. If he weren't so afraid he'd break down sobbing he'd laugh at himself.

Sebastian held his breath and slowly looked around to see if he'd been loud enough to be heard by anyone else. His face burning with regret. If Alec hadn't wanted to walk away before he would probably be changing his mind now. He chanced a glance at Alec to see if he was right.